Once Upon a Time in Hollywood: Not a Movie But a Happening

Photo by Alexi Lubomirski

"Once Upon a Time in Hollywood"

(Not a Movie But a Happening)

by Larry Baumhor

I'm not a big Tarantino fan, but this movie is going into the Library of Congress as a cultural phenomenon, a historically significant cinematic masterpiece.  Tarantino’s best work. The film, Tarantino, DiCaprio and Pitt will be nominated for Academy Awards.

Once Upon a time in Hollywood opened in theaters on July 26^th; by August 3, 2019 I saw the movie 6 out of 9 days. The movie is a happening, an event that you feel part of. You time travel back to the 60s on Hollywood Blvd, the cars, stores, clothes, restaurants, the Manson compound at Spahn Ranch with the hippies, the movie sets at Columbia studio, radio commercials, a Batman promotion and even 60s comic books lying on Cliff’s table.

Tarantino is meticulous for detail. It seems like small TVs invaded Hollywood in 1969 playing the FBI, Man From Uncle, Mannix, western genre flicks and you name it was on throughout the various scenes. The 60s music is powerful and has you dancing in your seat. Of course, I stood up in the theatre and shimmied a couple of times, losing my consciousness that I was actually in a movie theatre. I have interjected the characters of Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt) and even Easy Breezy, a cowboy in a novel Rick is reading between takes on the set into my personal life. 

Rick Dalton (Jake Cahill) stars in a television Western series Bounty Law from 1958 to 1963, based on Wanted Dead or Alive (1958–1961), a short-lived series about a bounty hunter played by Steve McQueen.

Rick has aspirations of becoming a movie star and leaves Bounty Law to pursue a career in the movies, but mostly plays the bad guy who often dies at the end of TV shows. Tarantino hodge-podges together actors such as Burt Reynolds, Edd Byrnes, Ty Hardin and William Shatner to create Jake Cahill. Hardin went from a show called Bronco to Spaghetti Westerns. After Rick ended Bounty Hunter he starred in Tanner and The Fourteen Fists of McCluskey where Tarantino once again has an affinity for his actors to kill Nazis, (Inglourious Basterds). This time Dalton torches a room full of Nazis with a powerful rifle like fire flamethrower, wearing a backpack, yelling, “Anybody order fried sauerkraut, you Nazi bastards,” who were burnt to a crisp. Rick’s character is complex, driven by emotions of his own personality and those of the actors he portrays. Rick cries from joy and then cries from pain. He explodes with rage and then acts compassionately and calmly. Dalton's relationship with Cliff Booth is based on that of actor Burt Reynolds relationship with his long-time stunt double Hal Needham.

Dalton plays the character Caleb in the western Lancer who was cheated by a horse trader and ends up taking care of his 10-yr-old niece, Mirabella Lancer played by Julia Butters. Between scenes Dalton describes to Butters a western novel he’s reading about a Bronco Buster named Easy Breezy. He informs Julia Butters that Easy is washed up like he is and fears his acting career will soon be over. And then Dalton breaks down crying. Julia comes over to Dalton and comforts him.

Dalton’s emotions continue to get the best of him as he breaks down crying once again after a meeting with his agent Marvin Schwarz, (Al Pacino) who wants Rick to go to Italy and play in Spaghetti Westerns. Dalton cries in the arms of his buddy Cliff and states, “It’s official, old buddy, I’m a has-been.”

The most intense breakdown came when Rick forgot his lines during a scene for a guest spot on a TV series. He goes back to his trailer and freaks out, screaming and throwing whatever objects were in the trailer. Rick takes his flask of booze drinks one shot then throws it out the door saying he’ll never drink again, not true. He screams at himself, “You embarrassed yourself in front of all those people. It’s not going to happen again. You’re drinking too much.” Rick looks in the mirror and says, “I’ll blow your fuckin’ brains out if you ever forget your lines again.”

Tarantino informed DiCaprio about the late actor Pete Duel, who starred in the 1970s Western series Alias Smith and Jones, a favorite of Tarantino’s. The 31-year-old Duel died by suicide in 1971. Tarantino learned the actor had a drinking problem and had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. The swings in emotion helped develop Rick’s character. DiCaprio said, Rick being bipolar did not need to be "overtly" shown to the audience. "We never say the word 'bipolar,'" Tarantino stated.

1969 arrives as quickly as men land on the moon. Rick’s transition into movie stardom is not successful and it’s eating him alive. He’s an alcoholic, chain-smoking, mood changing man who stutters and believes he’s washed up. His best friend and stunt double Cliff Booth is also at the end of his career, not to mention his bad reputation on movie sets. Cliff, who lives in a trailer with his Pit Bull Brandy is Rick’s driver. Rick lives next door to Sharon Tate (Margo Robbie) and Roman Polanski (Rafal Zawierucha), the home of the Manson murders on Cielo Drive, a dead-end street about halfway up Benedict Canyon in Beverly Hills. 

I recite lines in restaurants, rehearse lines on busses and use the characters in my own life. I’ve had dreams about Tarantino talking to me about the psychological makeup of the characters. I’m fearful at times I can’t break character. I believe I’m Rick Dalton a hippie cowboy and converted my apartment into a movie set.

I’m 65-yrs-old and my goal is to see this film 100 times before I die. I’m drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I’m a willing slave entrapped inside this movie and I love it. Though I realize I have an illness with obsessive compulsive disorder and bipolar disorder. This movie and my mental illness may lead me down the road to being institutionalized. I stand up and applaud at the end of the movie for at least 30 seconds by myself and shout Quentin, Quentin, Quentin. As I feel compelled to show the audience my appreciation for the master.

I believe Tarantino, like myself is dealing with mental illness as he often sublimates his demons into filmmaking. He is a profound obsessive cinephile who just doesn’t write the script for the actors.  He has the actors over his house and watches films, studies personalities and incorporates styles and psyches of other characters into his films. 

Tarantino has an affinity for B movies, exploitation films, martial art and kung fu films, cult films, thriller/action/horror films and spaghetti westerns for starters “A lot of killing,” Rick Dalton states to Marvin Schwarz, (Al Pacino) Hollywood producer and Dalton’s agent. If you’ve watched Tarantino on talk shows, he speed-talks loudly with movie data running from his mouth like lava from a volcano. He’s also known for his temper. Does violence beget violence? Tarantino was accused of assault and sued by film producer Don Murphy for $50,000. He once beat the shit out of a taxi cab driver. Tarantino claims the driver acted like a jerk so Quentin told the driver to pull over, and got out of the cab with his girlfriend. The fare was $4.50. Tarantino gave the driver a five and asked for the change. The driver responded, “use it to buy your girlfriend a new face.” A fight ensued as Tarantino kept punching the driver, stating, “don’t talk about my date like that.”  Bouncers nearby pulled Tarantino off the driver who then bit Tarantino on his nipple. Tarantino had already paid out two thirty thousand-dollar settlements for two other fights.

The first time I saw Once upon a Time in Hollywood was in 35mm with a first-time date. Dinner and then the movies. We had a great time but my addictive personality caused some problems.

I spoke to Gail about going to New York museums the following week, which she thought was a good idea. She didn’t answer my emails for about five days. I was wondering if she wanted to go to NY. I unfriended her from Facebook, because baby Larry was upset. I decided to call Gail and ask her why she hadn’t returned my emails. It turns out that she was very busy, working around the clock. And then I said “I thought you didn’t have a good time?”

“No, I had a great time. I’d like to go to NY when I’m not so busy at work.”

I couldn’t end it there. “I thought I was emailing you too much?”

“No.”

“I thought I was too needy.”

“No.”

“Is it because I’m too fat?”

“No.”  I apologized for unfriending Gail. I immediately friended her on Facebook and she accepted.

I didn’t realize how stupid I acted until hours later and then I freaked out, cursing and reprimanding myself. What 65-yr-old asks a woman if he is too fat and needy. Oh my God, what did I do?

I called my buddy Cliff Booth and told him the story. “It’s official, old buddy, I’m a has-been. Who in their right mind, especially a 65-yr-old says that?”

“You’re not Potsie from Happy Days. You’re Larry fuckin’ Baumhor and don’t you forget it. She likes you,” Cliff said as he hugged me and I began to cry.

On IMDB Keith Jefferson played Land Pirate Keith. He’s the only African-American in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I must have blinked because I don’t remember him. Therefore, I decided to cast African-Americans out of respect to Tarantino and to minorities who fought so hard to have significant roles in movies. Frankly, it was disgraceful. And yes, I’m aware of Tarantino casting black people in his movies.

I hired Jim Crow to keep an eye on the white people and be their driver.
Photo by Larry Baumhor

I hired other African-Americans for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood:

Superfly to hang out at the Playboy Mansion with the other superstars.
Photo by Larry Baumhor

Ms. Blacky an informant for the FBI who is a hippie in the Manson Compound.
Photo by Larry Baumhor

Larry Baumhor takes over directing from Quentin Tarantino during the filming of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. But soon realizes he’s a tortured man.

Rick Dalton as Jake Cahill in Bounty Law smoking acid laced hash he bought from Pussycat, a hippie at the Manson ranch.

Jake Cahill partying at the Playboy Mansion with Sharon Tate.

One day Cliff picked up hippie-chick Pussycat, (Margaret Qualley) who was hitchhiking to Spahn Ranch where she lives with other hippies under the control of Manson. Rick Dalton and Cliff Booth filmed Bounty Law at the ranch. Cliff knew the owner and wanted to say hello to him. Spahn was getting senile and allowed the Manson family to move onto the property. Bad idea. Tarantino decided to film the movie at Corriganville Movie Ranch in lieu of Spahn Ranch.

Cliff walked by a group of hippies who claimed George Spahn (Bruce Dern) is sleeping and therefore will not be able to see him. Cliff also meets Tex (Austin Butler) who is Manson’s right-hand man. Tex and other hippies take tourists on tours through mountainous rough terrain while riding horses. Cliff is greeted by Squeaky Fromme (Dakota Fanning) who argues that George is tired because she fucked his brains out and she needs her George time to watch TV Sunday night, especially the FBI show. After arguing with Squeaky, Cliff talks his way into the house and wakes George up. Spahn an old man has no recollection of ever meeting Cliff Booth who filmed Bounty Law eight years ago on the ranch.

Both Cliff and Rick return from Italy after filming four Spaghetti Westerns. Rick Dalton who brings back an Italian wife realizes changes have to be made. He informs Cliff he can no longer afford to pay him and is selling the home. They decide the best thing to do is to go out and get drunk. The two best friends take a cab back home, because they are drunk out of their minds.

Rick is in the pool relaxing on a floating chair listening to a transistor radio. Cliff is in the house feeding his dog Brandy. And then it happens: Three hippies enter Rick Dalton’s home brandishing a gun and knives with orders from Manson to kill and butcher. Their rationale was that they grew up watching TV with many shows having people being killed. The actors were successful and now it’s their time to practice what they learned and seek revenge.

These hippies were fucking with the wrong people. In Tarantino-esque style a bloodbath ensued and Cliff and Brandy killed two hippies. The third hippie wounded gravely with her face bleeding profusely, but carrying a gun smashes through the glass door into the pool where Rick Dalton is relaxing. The hippie can’t see too well but is still shooting the gun wildly. Dalton gets out of the pool and walks into his shed and comes back with the flamethrower from The Fourteen Fists of McCluskey and sets the hippie on fire.

Although the movie had a happy ending I did not. Out of control, I continued to go to the movies, even spending some of my rent money to see Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Though I didn’t buy any popcorn or candy. I lost track after thirteen movies. My last movie I stood up and applauded at the end. I then handed my card to a woman sitting two seats from me, saying, “I’m Easy Breezy, here’s my card on Facebook.” I walk out of the theatre and go to the bathroom. Upon leaving the bathroom, the woman whom I gave my card to is blocking the exit, staring at me with daggers in her eyes. I said, “excuse me.” Fuckin’ hippies, I thought to myself.

My psychiatrist recommended Electroconvulsive Therapy. 

This story is a tribute to Quentin Tarantino and Hollywood! Sharon Tate lives on. Anything can happen in Hollywood. And don’t you fuckin’ forget it. And away we go!