The Bear & Passover Dinner by Larry Baumhor

 

Nanny and Larry

The Bear & Passover Dinner

by Larry Baumhor

Dedicated To Michael Bennett

 

   “Fire 2 chicken peppers, 4 sausage peppers, 46 beefs, 8 fries, and 12 mash, fuckin now! Hands-on 78, 90, 32, 59. Thank you, Chef!” The Bear!
   “Here’s another piece of gefilte fish,” Nanny, (Betty Bennett), yelled! Nanny was a crazy Jew who wore a brassiere as a blouse, with a Viceroy cigarette dangling from her lips while serving dinner; a few ashes fell onto our plates. “You’re not eating,” she yelled, always screaming. “You’re not watching the soup,” yelled Nanny to Zayda, (Herman Bennett). “You don’t know anything,” screamed Zayda.   

   Zayda chained smoked Viceroy cigarettes and drank schnapps out of a shot glass, “L’chayim,” he would yell. And down went another schnapps and another, screaming and arguing with Nanny over nothing. Passover dinner!    

   The Bear and Passover Dinner were two dysfunctional families. screaming and cursing over one another like rapid machine gun fire, pap, pap, pap. Cursing was the norm. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Serve the soup now Herman.” “Are you crazy,” answered Nanny. Stop screaming,” said Uncle Shecky, (Shecky Bennett) who was addicted to cocaine like Richie, (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) at the restaurant THE ORIGINAL BEEF OF CHICAGOLAND.   

   “Back the fuck off said one chef to another chef.” “A bissel,” yelled Nanny as she dropped more food onto your plate. “That’s enough,” screamed Zayda. “I can’t take it here anymore,” cried Uncle Shecky who owned a catering business and created flower arrangements for weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, and funerals. I worked for Uncle Shecky and he was always kind to me. When he visited my mother Bonnie Baumhor, he performed this trick where his thumbs seemed to be coming apart. But the family was mentally ill on both sides. My mom was always screaming at me for no reason, and ten minutes later she was charming and loving. She once chased me around the table in Atlantic City for no reason other than she was nuts. It was an asylum alright, but a loving one at that. “I’ve been in this kitchen before you were fuckin’ born,” declared one chef.

   You’re either called a chef or a cousin. Yo cousin, but nobody was a real cousin, and some characters never had experience as a chef.   Carmen Berzzatto pronounced “bear-zatto,” ( Jeremy Allen White) however, was the “The real McCoy,” winning Food and Wine’s Best Chef at the age of twenty-one. His brother Michael, (Jon Bernthal), shot himself in the head on a Chicago Bridge at the age of 43. He had a drug problem. Although my cousin Michael Bennett died at the age of 34 from natural causes, according to the immediate family. I believe Michael had a drug problem and died because of drugs as told by other members of the family. Like Carmen who loved his brother Michael dearly, I loved my cousin Michael. We would go to sporting events and fishing trips and he was my real cousin, not a pseudonym. There was loss, love, craziness, anger, arguing, screaming, and mental illness in both The Bear and the Passover dinner family.

   Don’t think I wasn’t fucked up either. I came to Passover dinner stoned out of my mind on Afghan hash. And was taking mescaline and LSD but not at Passover dinner. Carmen catered a birthday party for Uncle Jimmy’s, (Oliver Platt), child. He noticed the children on the lawn were sleeping. Carmen made this cool aid drink for the kids in a huge clear barrel. At the bottom of the barrel, Carmen found an open bottle of Xanax. Crazy shit!
   Uncle Shecky and Carmen attended AA-type meetings. Carmen attended because of his brother Mikey’s addiction. When I was suffering from depression, Shecky wanted me to attend a meeting with him. He would say to me, “Admit you are not in control, recognize a higher power that can give you strength, examine your past mistakes, make amends, live a new way of life, and help others.”

 
   Donna Berzatto, Carmen’s mom played by Jamie Lee Curtis was a chain-smoking, rambling, mentally ill character. Nanny and Zayda were chain smokers. The entire Passover dinner apartment was billowed in cigarette smoke. Zayda eventually died of throat cancer. On one occasion Donna made a very complex dinner of seven fishes, but no one understood why she went to such trouble. Donna also had an addiction problem downing vodka while cooking dinner, like Zayda drinking shots of whiskey. During dinner, Donna smashed a plate on the floor accusing the family of not loving her. My father Marvin Baumhor would smash plates during our family dinners. Marvin also dragged a neighbor from his 1950s black gangster car and knocked him out while his six-year-old son Larry looked out of the front door bewildered. Marvin was a strange cat. During the twenty years of living with him he never spoke to Zayda, not a word. Not hi or bye. Nada! But then again, he barely spoke to me. The Becks lived next door in a row home on Lynford St. and were Antisemitic. They would call us kikes. If you accidentally walked on the dividing line between the two houses, you were attacked with Antisemitic slurs. They would throw eggs and lint onto our property. Nanny knocked Mrs. Beck in the head with her slipper.    

   We had to move to Gorman St. where my mom Bonnie banged on my neighbor Francine’s door with such force she broke the glass and had to go to the hospital for stitches. Francine hollered at my brother because he shit on her lawn.   

   No one knew what Mikey did with the money. They thought he blew it on drugs. And then Carmen opened a large can of tomatoes and sauce, wrapped up and protected a batch of money popped out. So, the staff and Carmen opened the remaining cans to find the three hundred grand hidden by Mikey. 

   The building with the restaurant was willed to Carmen when Mikey died. It was worth about three million dollars with no mortgage. Uncle Jimmy wanted to buy the building and deduct the three hundred thousand owed to him by Mikey. Carmen refused, only to borrow more money from Uncle Jimmy promising to pay it back in six months or he would turn over the building to Uncle Jimmy.

   After what seemed like months Carmen and his chefs reopened THE ORIGINAL BEEF OF CHICAGOLAND, not without problems mind you. A fight broke out in the restaurant and a gang was hanging outside. Richie yelled, “Any of you motherfuckers take my gun,” Screaming, fights, twenty-four-hour work shifts, collapsed ceiling, mold, the toilet flooding the bathroom, a blown fuse, and no electricity. The worst happened when the Chicago Board of Health shut down the place for violations. Carmen placed the violation sign on the front door of the restaurant which had a huge C on it. And the chefs were always experimenting with the menu like working in a laboratory. You can smell the food and feel the vison of the colors like you’re on LSD, breathtaking. Carmen sent the baker to Europe to find new desserts. He sent one chef to culinary school and on and on and on.   

   THE ORIGINAL BEEF OF CHICAGOLAND was no longer good enough for Carmen and his crew. They gutted the place and built a fine cuisine restaurant named The Bear.

Zayda and Nanny

The TV Emmys

    •    Outstanding Comedy Series  The Bear
    •    Outstanding Sound Mixing For A Comedy Or Drama Series  The Bear
    •    Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series  The Bear, Christopher Storer
    •    Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series  The Bear, Ebon Moss-Bachrach (Richie)
    •    Outstanding Sound Editing For A comedy Or Drama Series  The Bear
    •    Outstanding Casting For A Comedy Series, The Bear
    •    Outstanding Directing For A Comedy Series, The Bear Christopher Storer
    •    Outstanding Picture Editing For A Single-Camera Comedy Series, The Bear, Joanna Nagle
    •    Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series, Jeremy Allen White (Carmen), The Bear
    •    Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series, Ayo Edebiri (Sydney Adamu), The Bear

The Passover Dinner Emmys

    •    Outstanding actress At A Passover Dinner, Betty Bennett, (Nanny)
    •    Outstanding Documentarian At A Passover Dinner, Larry Baumhor
    •    Outstanding Supporting Actor At A Passover Dinner, Herman Bennett, (Zadya)
    •    Outstanding Drug Addict At A Passover Dinner, Shecky Bennett, (Uncle Shecky)
    •    Outstanding Child At A Passover Dinner, Michael Bennett
    •    Outstanding Silence At A Passover Dinner, Marvin Baumhor